Adventures at Six Flags

Here are some helpful tips I’ve compiled prompted by a recent adventure to Six Flags.

Wear a sports bra, even under a sun dress, to prevent wardrobe malfunctions that may get caught on the roller coaster scream cam. (Yes, of course, I was horrified.)

It’s not a good idea to coerce a child on a ride with fake promises that she’s going to love it. Odds are she’ll hate the ride after just as much as she was afraid before and then you’ll have to spend $40 on candy and souvenirs to earn her forgiveness for your bad judgment.

I don’t believe that strollers were meant for children over the age of four, but why do some parents think it’s okay to rent one of those ugly park strollers shaped like a dolphin and shove their nine year old kid in it? Seriously? Rule of thumb, if you place your kid in a stroller and his knees are knocking his chin, pull him out and make him walk.

There must be some unwritten rule if you see your teenage son and his friend, who you took to the park, you’re supposed to act like you don’t know each other, especially if they’re walking with girls they just met. Apparently, it’s uncool to act like you’re here with your parents. Honestly, they’re fourteen, how do they explain how they got to the park???

People, please don’t make out at a family amusement park. It’s just tacky. Then my kids and I have to stand beside you in line for fifteen minutes and all the while I’m suppressing the urge to tell you just how silly you look. At that, what someone really needed to tell you was that thing you kept trying to do with your teeth, yeah that thing, it wasn’t sexy, you weren’t even doing it right, you d*mn amateur!

Regardless of how cheap you are, there is no such thing as overpriced funnel cake. Deep fried dough, whipped cream, powdered sugar, and syrupy strawberries, yeah sure, I’ll pay $22.50 for that.

Take lots of pictures. Chaotic or not, this is still one of those days worth remembering, especially when you and your spouse are old farts in dire need of a reminder how you made it work all those years. Or when life is driving you mad and you’re wishing you could return one of the kids to the stork.

Lastly, don’t forget to bring Advil. After a day standing in lines in the Texas heat with hundreds of other people’s screaming kids, you’ll need it to survive the two hour drive back home.

  1. Kelleen Adams
    November 10, 2010 at 3:22 PM

    Once again you have made me laugh!!!

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