Sick Notice – The Extended Director’s Cut

Dear Human Resources Department,

I’ve been at urgent care for the last 4 1/2 hours. Good thing I fed the husband first to keep him full and less grumpy during wait. As it turns out, I’m not dying as previously self diagnosed. Note to self: Stop referring to and at home Medical Merck Manual.

The doctor has advised me the reason I struggle with breathing during allergy season and when I have a cold is because I have intermittent asthma, of which has never been diagnosed nor treated when previously required. Please note that in my file, I am not “faking it” when I walk around gasping for air, I really am trying to breath. I fake other things, just not that.

I was given two nebulizer breathing treatments, since the first one didn’t take so well. Yes, I am that sick. The treatments give me the shakes, so I feel a bit like an antsy crackhead, not that I’ve ever taken crack I’m guessing is all. Nurse 1 gave me a steroid shot on my buttocks for the allergies. After the doctor expressed a concern hearing the “crackle” sound in my chest, Nurse 2 had me strip down so she could x-ray my chest.

I must admit, I felt quite awkward being as this was the most action I’ve seen in months. I was tempted to ask for a breast exam but my shame got the better of me, plus the whole gasping for air thing was ruining the mood. Still I did feel a bit cheap, it’s like the nurses got to second base with me and I didn’t even know their names, reminded me of high school.

This, of course, is when they discovered I was catching pneumonia and the doctor promptly prescribed some meds, instructing me to stay on limited bed rest until Wednesday. I sure hope Xanax and Prozak made the list. That would make for a much more interesting stay at home.

After carefully considering these urgent care trips and treatments are not cheap (but I am), my CEO is out of town, and I’d much rather be sick hard and fast now before legislative session and classes kick in, I’m going to request the next two days as personal days. The doctor gave me an official note. (Told you I’m not faking.)  She said I can work “in bed” so I’ll continue to schedule meetings, work on David’s upcoming travel, and complete the lobby reports.  I’ll also be available via email and cellular (not much of a choice here, you do pay for my laptop and cell phone service). This way I’ll maintain productivity, albeit limited.

Feel free to assume I’m a dedicated employee willing to work while fighting death, but truth is I have a bad habit of basing my self worth on my productiveness and ability to multi-task. I know it’s a bit sick so I’m working that out with my imaginary therapist until I can afford a real one. Hint to get better health insurance folks.

I did learn a couple things today though; 1) I have asthma. Who knew??, 2) that cute doctor who treated me at my last hypochondriac visit no longer works at Texas MedClinic, need to tell single ladies at work find new place to stalk hot doctors, and 3) my husband does indeed still love me because he didn’t complain once though he was stuck watching the Animal Planet channel for several hours with a waiting room full of sick people.

Furthermore, now that I know I have asthma, I’ve decided to start a support group with a few of my Twitter peeps. Our motto will be “Still laughing and tweeting between bouts of trying to catch breath and not die.” All asthmatic friends with a sense of humor welcome.

See you Wednesday.

Laughing and smiling between coughing fits,

  1. singlemamatalesitall
    January 9, 2011 at 10:47 PM

    Can I have a copy of this letter to give to my HR dept. Got me cracking up! LOL…especially the breast exam part.

  2. January 9, 2011 at 11:03 PM

    Glad you enjoyed. By far, the most pathetic part about this post is how much of it was true, just told with humor to draw attention away from my pitiable state. This includes the part of “most action I’ve seen in months”. LOL.

    • Ex
      January 10, 2011 at 2:07 AM

      Haha… Funny but, seriously I hope u get better soon

  3. ventamatic
    January 11, 2011 at 8:47 PM

    i have asthma, since the age of 10, i’m almost 44 now, saying that almost makes me feel old, lol, but ya, thats what those treatments make me feel like too(no i’m not a crack addict, ha ha ), i hope you get better, stay off the Dairy products till you get better, ya that sucks, but you have a lung infection and congestion, when your well, then you can have that stuff, drink good tea and stay warm and the hubby has to rub your feet, thats mandatory, wink.

  4. Janet Harris
    January 13, 2011 at 7:54 AM

    I am familiar with this type of asthma as my daughter would experience this during cedar season. she would try to breathe but couldn’t then panic which made it worse. fortunately, our doctor did figure out the problem and she used an inhaler when needed. she seems to have outgrown the problem as we have not had any issues in a few years. but i imagine it’s something that could resurface somewhere down the road. glad you now know what’s happening and can get proper treatment and meds. (they don’t give prozac for this i’m afraid…)(throw a few fits and they might throw in the xanax)

  5. January 15, 2011 at 10:22 AM

    I have a nebulizer at home for every day use and can sympathise. Wheezing sucks. So does not being able to run far, blow up a balloon and taking 14 attempts to blow out a candle.
    Staying calm when things are not so rosy is good, practice it. Keeping your sense of humour at all times is good too. Cut down on dairy products as it helps a LOT. I wish to heaven I didn’t adore cheese so much. Oh well.
    I have a lung condition and severe asthma, but it could be worse, I’ve seen worse in hospital, usually in the form of emphysema. Laugh at your asthma and show it how much you CAN do in spite of it. I do.

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